Penis Insurance, Anyone?

The idea might seem like the proverbial red herring, but did you know that Lloyd’s of London seriously considered underwriting such a policy? 

By: Ringo Bones 

Penis insurance might seem like something “to ballsy” for an established insurance underwriter like Lloyd’s of London to even seriously consider. But recently, they’ve almost underwritten one but at the last minute pulled out of a recent “penis insurance promotion”.

A Montreal based underwear company had recently planned to offer a 50,000-US dollar penis insurance policy to its male customers ended up as a “half-cocked” proposition. The Lloyd’s of London Penis Insurance Policy literally goes limp because their actuarial analysts have doubts about its long-term economic viability. 

Lloyd’s of London, the insurance market engaged to underwrite the said policy, has decided to pull out of the promotion. And given Lloyd’s practice of underwriting insurance policies whose actuarial figures are either too mathematically vague or virtually nonexistent over the years, such a move was deemed unprecedented. Although, Lloyd’s of London had been cautious in the recent years on choosing which “novel insurance policies” to underwrite given their declining profits due to recent catastrophic disasters like the Japanese tsunami of March 2011, Hurricane Katrina and the BP Offshore Oil Rig disaster of April 2010.

Montreal based UNDZ underwear recently announced during the start of March 2014 that all men who purchase three or more pairs of UNDZ underwear via the company’s website would get a Lloyd’s of London insurance policy to be paid out if their sex organ becomes detached from their body. UNDZ founder Bertrand Dore said the company had struck a deal with Lloyd’s Canadian syndicate, La Turquoise, to offer the policies. Will it cover a situation akin to that King Missile song titled Detachable Penis style mishap perhaps? 

A Lloyd’s of London representative told Huffington Post back in March 18, 2014 that the UNDZ announcement was premature and that no deal was ever confirmed. Bertrand Dore believes the insurance syndicate only decided to disavow the policy after they saw a very graphic and not fit for general viewing promotional video. 

Lloyd’s of London has offered penis insurance in the past to people like David Lee Roth back during his stint as a frontman for Van Halen because his stage antics back then has always resulted in a near mishap of penile dismemberment and of alarming regularity as well. But Bertrand Dore suspects that Lloyd’s are just trying to build a more serious brand and that “penis insurance” was just a “bit too ballsy”.         

Risqué Sexual Activity Risk Insurance

With the runaway popularity of E.L. James’ Fifty Shades of Grey and almost everyone trying S&M bondage activity like it’s the heyday of the late 1970s London Punk movement, will risqué sexual activity risk insurance soon become an economically viable necessity? 

By: Ringo Bones 

Maybe it was the runaway success of E.L. James’ Fifty Shades of Grey and the weeks it hogged the New York Times’ Bestseller List that makes almost everyone wonder these days of whether S&M Bondage sex had already become mainstream in the bedrooms the world over. Or was it that episode of American Dad having an insurance policy parody of “butt insurance” issued by Darkstar Insurance aimed at accidents in the bedroom that might be the result of rough S&M Bondage sex by inexperienced first-time practitioners. Or are the folks at American Dad just “dadded” the concept and supposed “policy” of the risqué sexual activity risk insurance. But given the media’s increasingly positive portrayal of “alternative” sexual lifestyles, what’s considered “risqué sexual activity” to folks who grew up during the Great Depression might seem tame by those who grew up during the Reagan administration. 

Unfortunately, sexual activity norms during the time when then US president Ronald Reagan and then US Attorney General Edwin Meese III used millions of dollars of American taxpayers’ money to study the effects of pornography only to find out that it isn’t that harmful and all that they have to show for it is a 1,960-page big blue book that almost nobody reads anymore only makes one wonder the difficulty of formulating an economically viable policy for risqué sexual activity risk insurance – never mind formulating an economically viable coverage scheme. Or what about marketing? 

It seems that risqué sexual activity risk insurance could be marketed as a kind of “specialist coverage” insurance aimed at a very specific market. Unfortunately, the move might hike up premium costs that the average consumer might shy away from it despite of the benefits. The difficulties in marketing and formulating an economically viable policy might be at first difficult, but the potential rewards seems too irresistible to ignore.          

Will There Be A Handgun And Assault Rifle Attack Coverage For Teachers in America?

With NRA president Wayne LaPierre’s proposal to have all teachers’ in America arm themselves with concealable handguns in the wake of the Sandy Hook Elementary shooting last year, will insurance companies soon provide handgun and assault rifle attack coverage for teachers? 

By: Ringo Bones 

The US Republican Party and the National Rifle Association (NRA) might be now too beholden by the very profitable small-arms retail industry in America to even look into the concept of “universal background checks” in order persons with mental disorders can no longer just willy-nilly buy military style assault weapons and then commit mass shootings like what happened in Sandy Hook Elementary School in Newtown, Connecticut back in December 14, 2012. Even though NRA president Wayne LaPierre suggested that the only viable solution is for teachers and school administrators arm themselves with concealable small-arms as a way of preventing such attacks in the future is for most of us a leap in logic that goes beyond normal logic. Even though politicians – especially those as conservative as the US Republican Party – are only concerned with rhetoric that make them look good and private small-arms sales in America that enriches their own bottom line, will actuaries tenured by major insurance providers that care only about truthful data be willing to agree with their conservative “Red State” vision of America? 

Sadly, actuaries care about truthful data – not conservative rhetoric. As more schools in America consider arming their employees, some school districts are encountering a daunting economic burden: insurance carriers / insurance providers are now threatening to raise their premiums or revoke coverage entirely. Looks like handgun and assault rifle attack coverage for teachers in America or as a way to put it in another way, handgun attack insurance and assault rifle attack insurance coverage for teachers in America is now seen as “not economically viable” by most existing insurance carriers.

During legislative sessions of the first half of 2013, seven US states enacted laws permitting teachers or administrators to carry guns in schools. Three of the measures – in Kansas, South Dakota and Tennessee took effect back in the first week of July 2013. But already, EMC Insurance Companies – the liability insurance provider for about 90 percent of Kansas school districts – has sent a letter to its agents saying that schools permitting employees to carry concealed handguns would be declined coverage. 

The insurer’s letter explained to officials in Kansas: “We are making this underwriting decision simply to protect the financial security of our company.” The “ghost” of the Sandy Hook elementary School mass shooting may have yet to be exorcised out of the consciousness of the American psyche, but it looks like handgun attack and assault rifle attack insurance coverage for armed teachers is a loosing proposition and not economically viable. 

Should Your Important Insurance Papers Be Stored in the Cloud?

Given that the hard copy of your insurance policies can be destroyed by fire and/or flood, should we be insuring our important insurance related papers/documents in the cloud?

By: Ringo Bones 

Since the introduction of cloud computing and data storage, it seems that even ordinary nettizens can’t seem to live without it anymore.  And given that one’s important insurance related documents – i.e. the hard copy of your very important insurance policies can be damaged and or lost in a fire, flood, avalanche or other insurable disaster that can make short shrift of your important insurance policy documents in their paper / hard copy form, should we be storing – in digital form – our important insurance policies in the cloud? 

There’s an on-line provider that gives such service, it’s called Policy Buddy and you can visit them online at www.policybuddy.com. It provides a cloud service where you can digitally store your important insurance policies in case if the hard copy – or insurance policy paper documents – is destroyed in a fire, flood, avalanche or other natural or man-made disaster that can make a short shrift of your very important insurance policy papers to oblivion. Not to mention that most of us already have the trouble remembering where was the last safe place we stored our homeowners or similar insurance policy papers. 

As a cloud data storage / insurance policy management app, Policy Buddy also periodically reminds you if your existing insurance policy is up for renewal. Its cloud data storage system is compliant with existing EU data protection standards and privacy laws. As a way to protect your important insurance papers from the vagaries of an uncertain future and also to remind you if your current insurance policies are already up for renewal, It sure is a better bet to avail with the cloud services of Policy Buddy.

The Big Fat Spanish Medical Insurance Debacle

Even though Spain – like the rest of other EU member countries – is currently suffering from economic hardship, should it’s hospitals be “conning” more affluent EU citizens as a means of bailing out its own economy? 

By: Ringo Bones 

As an European Union citizen, have you ever been forced to pay for your emergency medical treatment in Spain after they refused to accept your E.H.I.C.? Well, back around May 31, 2013, the news story came out that most Spanish hospitals had been conning more affluent E.U. citizens – especially British tourists – into paying for emergency treatment or charging it on their current travel insurance even though their E.H.I.C. covers it. Even though Spain – like those other E. U. member countries – is currently suffering from economic hardship, should their hospitals be “conning” more affluent E.U. citizens as a means of an E.U. sourced economic bailout even though the said E.U. citizens’ E.H.I.C. covers it? 

The E.H.I.C. – or the European Health Insurance Card – is specifically designed to allow all European Union citizens the right to have emergency medical care under existing European Union laws. However, it has recently came out that Spanish hospitals have been refusing to accept the card therefore conning patients into paying hospital bills and insisting tourists to claim the incurred costs of their emergency medical treatments on their existing travel insurance policies. 

Under E.U. law any British citizen is entitled to free medical care within the European Union. The cost of any care is then billed to the U.K.’s N.H.S.; however Spain has taken upon itself to reject the E.H.I.C. and charge British nationals for any treatment and advice them that they should claim it on their existing travel insurance policy. Isn’t this the most thuggish way for Spain to ask for the Brussels for an economic bailout?