Penis Insurance, Anyone?

The idea might seem like the proverbial red herring, but did you know that Lloyd’s of London seriously considered underwriting such a policy? 

By: Ringo Bones 

Penis insurance might seem like something “to ballsy” for an established insurance underwriter like Lloyd’s of London to even seriously consider. But recently, they’ve almost underwritten one but at the last minute pulled out of a recent “penis insurance promotion”.

A Montreal based underwear company had recently planned to offer a 50,000-US dollar penis insurance policy to its male customers ended up as a “half-cocked” proposition. The Lloyd’s of London Penis Insurance Policy literally goes limp because their actuarial analysts have doubts about its long-term economic viability. 

Lloyd’s of London, the insurance market engaged to underwrite the said policy, has decided to pull out of the promotion. And given Lloyd’s practice of underwriting insurance policies whose actuarial figures are either too mathematically vague or virtually nonexistent over the years, such a move was deemed unprecedented. Although, Lloyd’s of London had been cautious in the recent years on choosing which “novel insurance policies” to underwrite given their declining profits due to recent catastrophic disasters like the Japanese tsunami of March 2011, Hurricane Katrina and the BP Offshore Oil Rig disaster of April 2010.

Montreal based UNDZ underwear recently announced during the start of March 2014 that all men who purchase three or more pairs of UNDZ underwear via the company’s website would get a Lloyd’s of London insurance policy to be paid out if their sex organ becomes detached from their body. UNDZ founder Bertrand Dore said the company had struck a deal with Lloyd’s Canadian syndicate, La Turquoise, to offer the policies. Will it cover a situation akin to that King Missile song titled Detachable Penis style mishap perhaps? 

A Lloyd’s of London representative told Huffington Post back in March 18, 2014 that the UNDZ announcement was premature and that no deal was ever confirmed. Bertrand Dore believes the insurance syndicate only decided to disavow the policy after they saw a very graphic and not fit for general viewing promotional video. 

Lloyd’s of London has offered penis insurance in the past to people like David Lee Roth back during his stint as a frontman for Van Halen because his stage antics back then has always resulted in a near mishap of penile dismemberment and of alarming regularity as well. But Bertrand Dore suspects that Lloyd’s are just trying to build a more serious brand and that “penis insurance” was just a “bit too ballsy”.